Why don’t I feel like myself since having a baby?

Many new parents feel unlike themselves after having a baby. Exhaustion, hormonal changes, physical recovery, a new identity and a huge shift in daily life can leave you feeling tearful, anxious, flat, lonely or disconnected. Baby blues in the first two weeks are common. If difficult feelings last longer, it may be postnatal depression or anxiety, and support helps.

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Does this feel familiar?

Everyone asks how the baby is, and nobody asks how you are.
You’re desperate for sleep and then lie awake checking they’re breathing.
You scroll through photos from before and feel like you’re looking at a stranger.
You love your baby so much, and you also cried in the car park at baby group.

What might be going on

After birth, your hormones drop sharply, your body is recovering, and your sleep is broken for weeks or months. Any one of these would affect your mood. Together, they’re a lot.

There’s also a big shift in identity. Some people call this matrescence, the process of becoming a mother, and it can bring grief for your old life alongside love for the new one.

Support can be physical, like pelvic floor and core recovery, emotional, like therapy, or practical. It’s never too late to get help, whether your baby is six weeks or two years old.

One small thing. Just for today.

Tell one person how you’re really feeling today, even if it’s just a text that starts ‘honestly…’.

Let’s untangle a few assumptions

If you love your baby, you should feel happy.

Postnatal depression only starts straight after birth.

You should be back to normal by six weeks.

Support can look different

An approach you might not have considered

A different way in

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A little perspective

The NHS says postnatal depression affects more than one in ten women within a year of giving birth. Partners can experience it too.

Questions you might be asking

What is the difference between baby blues and postnatal depression?

Is it normal to feel like I’ve lost my identity after having a baby?

Can postnatal anxiety happen without depression?

When can I start exercising after having a baby?

Can I get support if my baby is already older?

When to get medical help

Speak to your GP, midwife or health visitor if you feel low, anxious or disconnected for more than two weeks, or if you’re struggling to cope. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, call 999 or NHS 111 option 2 straight away. This is an emergency and help is available.

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