How do I cope with grief when everyone else has moved on?

Grief is the natural response to losing someone or something important, whether that’s a death, a relationship, a pregnancy, a job or a version of your life. It can bring sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, exhaustion and even relief, often in waves. There’s no right timeline, and support can help you carry it without carrying it alone.

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Does this feel familiar?

You still have their number saved, and you can’t bring yourself to delete it.
You were fine all week, then a song in the supermarket undid you completely.
Everyone stopped asking how you’re doing around month two.
You feel guilty for the moments you forget to be sad.

What might be going on

Grief doesn’t move in neat stages. It comes in waves, sometimes gentle, sometimes knocking you over, often when you least expect it. Many people find that over time the waves come less often, rather than getting smaller.

Grief is physical as well as emotional. It can affect your sleep, appetite, concentration, immune system and energy. It can also bring up older losses you thought you’d dealt with.

Support doesn’t mean ‘getting over’ it. It means finding ways to live alongside the loss, and having somewhere to put what you’re feeling.

One small thing. Just for today.

Write them a short letter tonight. Say one thing you didn’t get to say. You don’t have to show anyone.

Let’s untangle a few assumptions

Grief follows five stages in order.

You should be over it by now.

Grief is only for when someone dies.

Support can look different

An approach you might not have considered

A different way in

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A little perspective

In 2019 the World Health Organization recognised prolonged grief disorder, where intense grief continues for at least six months after a loss and severely affects daily life. For most people, grief remains painful but gradually becomes easier to carry.

Questions you might be asking

How long does grief last?

Is it normal to feel angry when grieving?

When should I see someone about grief?

Can you grieve someone who is still alive?

What helps grief in the body?

When to get medical help

Speak to your GP if grief is making it very hard to function months on, if you can’t sleep or eat, or if you’re having thoughts of not wanting to be here. Cruse Bereavement Support offers a free helpline on 0808 808 1677. In a crisis, call Samaritans free on 116 123.

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